The Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung, first coined the terms introvert and extrovert in 1921 as a way to differentiate those who feel more connected to their inward thoughts and feelings and those whose focus is more on the external world. It is still an ongoing debate about how those personality comes into being, but both genetics and environment are believed to play a role in shaping our traits tendency. There’s a lot of researchers out there that have added and subtracted to Jung’s work over the years and there remains no single definition, but most agree on the basics.
Introverts, in general terms, are people who prefer to spend time alone as a way to recharge their energy. They tend to need less stimulation than the extrovert and do not seek loud social gatherings. An evening with a good friend or two is generally much desirable for them. They also quickly wearies of small talk and usually feel guilty about their “less friendly” nature, enjoying listening to others more than speaking about themselves.
While it may seem wrong on so many levels, it is quite true that our current society is very pro-extroverted. We encourage people to speak, to make their voices heard and to mark their place in history. Leaving introverts in the corner, quietly securing their places. Even in adulthood (from which I haven’t experienced that much myself, as I haven’t even reach the age of a quarter of a century yet), many feel crushed and embarrassed by being an introvert. They feels as if they are in the wrong just because they have suppressed feelings.
However it’s important to note that no one is only an introvert or an extrovert; each of us contains at least a little of the other.
Recently I have had a wonderful experience of meeting one of my friend’s friend. We just had a small talk at first, but after some times, she said something along the line of:
“Do you know any way to connect to people in a deeper level?”
That question baffles me, we’ve just met, we’re not close at all.
Why, in all hell, she decided to ask me this?
My response was,
“Why do you ask me this? Do i seem like an easy-going, extroverted type of people to you?”
“Absolutely! Look at how you could easily make me ask you that question! In every part of my life, I have never been able to connect with people. I think I’m just way too shallow and could only talk in the surface level. It feels like every bit of my body is trying to lie to my own heart. Ending up with me being awkward while talking with people. That’s why I only had a small circle of friends, you know.”
By definition, the way she describes her current state and her relationship with others, fits perfectly to the definition of an introvert.
But is it really? Is it just not shyness?
As an introvert myself, it has been really hard to get out of my shell and conform to the society’s value.
However, it is not correct to relate introversion to shyness. Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. Shyness is better understood as a response, rather than a state of being. It’s the social discomfort we feel whenever we worry about measuring up. Shyness has, at its heart, a fear of social disapproval, humiliation, and negative judgment by others.
Take this as an example: if asked to any social gathering, an introvert might think about whether they wanted to expend their precious supply of social energy. A shy person, on the other hand, might think about how others at the gathering would perceive them.
Shyness and introversion often overlap, of course. Especially in current time where the introvert has been made to feel as though their personality is somehow less desirable than the extroverted one, but there are shy extroverts too — those who enjoy the stimulation and energy of the crowd, yet is simultaneously dreaded by being at the center of attention.
In the end, shyness applies to all of us. Everyone experiences it from time to time. Some might embrace it as a characteristics that makes who they are and think that there is no need to change. But if you are not them and the shyness is preventing you from living the life you desire, you might want to overcome it. Either by trying for yourself, or by reaching out to others for help.
Just please remember;
You are the master of your own life,
you have the choice and freedom to shape it however you want.
Sources:
[1]Cain, Susan. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. Crown Publishing Group. United States. 2012.
[2]Costa, Matheus Guera. Quiet: The Power of Introverts — Book Summary. 2018. Accessed: November 16, 2019.
[3] Promises Behavioral Health. Introvert, Shy, Socially Anxious: What’s the Difference?. 2015. Accessed: November 16, 2019.
